Gary Friedman / Los Angeles Times
“I have a family now, but I used to be really scared about marriage. I was like, wow, 50% of all marriages end up lasting forever.”
“Now I have a sign on my car that says ‘Baby on Board.’ This sign is basically a threat. It just says I have a screaming baby, a nagging wife and I’m not afraid of dying anymore.”
“Are you guys worried about the economy? I’m not, ’cause I grew up poor, you know. If I become poor again, I’ll just feel young.”
“My son is really cute now, but when he was first born, he was ugly. And I wasn’t prepared for it, you know. I was looking at him at the delivery room and trying to remember some of my ugly relatives — and to decide exactly who passed the ugly gene to my son, you know. And the doctor came in, he was like, ‘Wow, congratulations! He looks just like you!'”
“In order for me to become a U.S. citizen, I had to take these American history lessons, where they asked us questions like, ‘Who is Benjamin Franklin?’
“I was like, ‘Uh, the reason our convenience store gets robbed?’
“‘What’s the 2nd Amendment?’
“I was like, ‘Uh, the reason our convenience store gets robbed?’
“‘What is Roe vs. Wade?’ I was like, ‘Uh, two ways of coming to the United States?'”